3 Things I’ve Learned While On Bed Rest

First, I would like to say how great it feels to be back in my computer chair after months of hospital stays and bed rest. It has been a very trying time for my family and I but it has also been an enlightening one.

If you noticed, my last post was on May 28th where I boasted about finally being home after going in and out of the hospital for over a month. What you may not have known, unless you follow me on social media, is that not too long after that post I was back in the hospital having another kidney surgery. That surgery had me “under” for over 6 hours which caused major problems to my right lung and I resided in the ICU for a time. Once released, I was bound to bed rest for a bit over a month.

Thankfully, I am now cleared to work again which makes me completely ecstatic. Anyone who has had to deal with bed rest knows it is not a fun situation and the longer you are on it, the more likely you may feel like you’re going crazy.

As lifeless and uncreative as I felt throughout my time within my bedroom walls, I learned many things as well as put a lot into perspective. There were numerous lessons and they wouldn’t all fit into one post. However, if you follow me on Twitter, you can check them out at #ThingsIveLearned. Right now, however, I would like to share with you the top 3 things I’ve learned while on bed rest.

 

  • THERE IS NOTHING WRONG WITH TAKING TIME OFF: 

One of the things that irritated me the most about being cooped up in one room was not doing anything  productive. All I could do was watch television and movies, or play games on my phone. I also slept like a hibernating bear many days.

As time progressed I began to realize that this, even though forced, was the break I needed. It gave me an opportunity to take the pressure from myself as to why I wasn’t as successful as I had hoped I would be at this point. The keyboard’s silence allowed me to understand that there were more important things than work. Also, taking time off also gave me the strength to let myself off the hook for all my past mistakes I’ve made in my writing career that I had carried with me daily.

In the beginning I felt like I was being lazy but towards the end it became very clear that this is what I needed to move forward in a more positive light. To be honest, it felt really good to do nothing and I was thankful for the rest.

  • EVERYONE MAKES MISTAKES AND MISSTEPS:

Many days, as I lay silently in my room, past mistakes would haunt my thoughts. The What Ifs and If I Had Ofs would swirl around my head like gnats. No matter how often I tried to shoo them away they would come back in an ever so mocking way.

At first, I would mentally beat myself up, chastising myself for things that I could no longer change and had no control over. Certain days I would try to force myself to create anything; a poem, a story, a blog post. I figured if I could write something I wouldn’t feel so bad about all the things I hadn’t done or the things I had messed up on.

Eventually, due to the constant positive advice and support of fans and friends, I allowed myself to relax. There was no rule that said I had to be perfect throughout my career. In fact, making mistakes and missteps is the way we learn and grow within ourselves as well as within our careers. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with it and I am now open to making more mistakes so that I may learn the lessons that follow.

  • I’VE BEEN IN MY OWN WAY THE ENTIRE TIME

Five years ago I decided that I wanted to make writing my career path regardless that my entire work history up to that point had been in finance and customer relations. My passion and desire had always been to write from a very early age. It was my childhood dream to see my name upon books and articles. However, as much as I wanted to be a writer so bad I could taste it, I also realized I wasn’t putting forth the effort to become great.

As I sat in my room with my thoughts, the amount of work that could have been done flashed in front of me. The lack of visible production had nothing to do with a lack of ideas but it was the fear of judgment on if I could execute them in the correct way. Certain days I would browse social media just to notice that there are so many writers out there doing so much more than I had done up to this point and they had done it for less time. For these reasons I had decided to give up on writing and go back to finance/customer relations once I was off bed rest.

Ironically, the last couple days of being confined to my room I received an incredible jolt of inspiration. It started off as a few fleeting thoughts followed by an unexplainable urge. By the time bed rest was over I couldn’t stop thinking about writing. In all my years, the desire had never been so strong and evident. The feeling hasn’t stopped and it is, if I do say so myself, amazing. My negativity and need to size myself up with other writers’ success are what have held me back all this time; feeling that I was incapable of becoming what I’ve always wanted to be – a great, prolific writer.

These 3 things I’ve learned are the cornerstones of what is going to catapult me to the next level. By allowing myself to have time off, forgive past mistakes, and get out of my own way I will become all that I have ever wanted to be in a career that I love dearly. The only thing now is to carry out what I’ve learned in my daily routine and to never give in to my self sabotage.

What have you learned today?

 

Until next time.

Home Again

After yet another stint in the hospital I am finally home. And thankful to be. Spending the majority of the last month and a half in the hospital, I am in no rush to go back.

While I would love to be back to writing, editing, and supporting all of you, I am taking the advise of family and resting for a while. I will be periodically checking on things because it is hard for me to sit still, but I will do it all from the comfort of my bed.

Regardless, I am so happy to be home and even happier to have so many caring and concerned fans and supporters. You guys have kept me going and I am so thankful.

I love you all dearly.

Until next time.

The Strangest Thing

The strangest thing is happening.

Here I lay in my hospital bed, wanting nothing more than to ease into a peaceful slumber. With the assistance of medication it is usually a simple task.

However, tonight I cannot seem to sleep. My eyes continuously become heavy as if lazily blinking; too long to rise or fall. On most occasions, my body is the culprit of mental and physical discomfort, yet the bed is at the perfect setting tonight.

It really becomes strange after a few moments with my lids down. In an instant I am jerked awake by an invisible force. No matter what, my eyes will not remain in a state of rest and reflection. Not to mention the beads of sweat that roll down my forehead in a seemingly cool room with no fever to speak of.

Something is definitely perplexing and I intend to get to the bottom of it all. Although, it is a trivial pursuit to investigate the body when it’s had no opportunity of rest or comfort in over 10 hours.

What do you think could be wrong? Is there something physically serious going on or is it completely mental?

Until next time.

Happy Anniversary

Today marked the 5 year anniversary of my decision to step out on faith. It was this day where I put fear aside and began a career as a professional writer.

Boy was I excited…and nervous hell.

There were many plans for the celebration of 5 years. However, due to my hospitalization, I was unable to go through with any events. My meds had me in la-la land and by the time I realized what the date was there wasn’t much time left in the day.

I couldn’t let today end without saying THANK YOU to all my wonderful fans, supporters, colleagues and friends. Without you I don’t know what I’d be doing with my life.

Please continue to show the love and I will continue to bring you words that touch the soul.

Until next time.

Stand For Something

After sneaking out of bed for a full day yesterday, I was forced to be back in the lying position. My body wasn’t up for being stuck in a computer chair for a second day.

Being back in the bed I was able to watch television as usual. Normally, I spend my days watching old shows like Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. It’s better than the lie detector/paternity tests on Maury and sleeping with your family member themed Jerry Springer show.

Today, I decided to spend the day watching ESPN. So much was happening in sports that it was hard to turn it off. OKC, my favorite basketball team, is headed to the Western Conference Finals and other interesting events had my attention. Also, I got an opportunity to watch the news, which I do not do on a regular basis.

In the process of t.v. watching, something became very evident to me. I have tons of opinions about many topics that are important to many people.

Most of the time I just go off on rants in the privacy of my own home. The fear of ridicule for how I feel about certain things is the reason why I keep my opinions to myself. Allowing the outside world to know these sometimes controversial opinions could give folks the wrong impression of me or cause people to judge me incorrectly.

It got me thinking. How often do we avoid saying how we feel to keep from being a target? How many times have we just sat idly by while some injustice took place?

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

In light of that quote, I spent time taking notes about subjects that I have strong opinions about. Not that my opinion matters to anyone in particular. But truthfully there are many causes that need a voice. So many voiceless souls need someone to stand up and speak out whether it falls on deaf ears or under high scrutiny.

One such subject formed into an entire article. I’m still working on it but the contents have the capability to make or break my career. It could be deemed as victorious or villainous.

It’s kind of weird that my first stint of creativity is to write articles about actual issues in this world. Not the inspiration I was looking for but beggars can’t be choosey. I’m just gonna ride this wave until the creative juices stop flowing.

Until next time.

Sneaking Out

Today I snuck out of bed against the wishes of my nurse, children and significant other. I just had to get some work done and I hate to disappoint clients.

All day I worked on one of the many novels awaiting my edits. For the most part, I felt no pain as I sat glued to my computer chair. Fighting off exhaustion, I perused through page after page of a story I have little interest in but am obligated to read for work purposes.

It’s not unlikely for me to deal with genres I do not necessarily write or read. My purpose as an editor is to make sure the story flows well and is attractive to its audience. It is sometimes, however, rather tiring.

After hours sitting at the computer my body had had enough. It was tired of being in a position other than lying down regardless of my lax posture. I just could not spend another day in bed when I have so much work to do.

At this point, I am paying for being hard-headed. My body is sore and my brain has given up completely. As I write this post, I am back in my bed forced to lay on my side due to the nephrostamy tube jutting from my back.

While I may be utterly exhausted and feeling twinges of pain rushing through my back, I can’t help but smile. After weeks of being stuck in bed I got some work done and truth be told, regardless of how I feel physically, I feel amazing mentally.

Who knows how I will feel tomorrow, but today I’m proud I accomplished something that didn’t consist of lying around.

Until next time.

Bed Rest Sucks

Any writer would love the opportunity to sit around and do nothing but work on their craft. Not having to do anything but lay around may even seem heavenly.

However, being stuck in the bed is the last place any writer, namely me, wants to be. Of course there is the endless possibilities of time to get things done. But truthfully being bedridden is nothing fun.

At first I figured I would get caught up on tons of work. Boy was I wrong. The medication keeps me sleep or just plain drowsy. And when I’m not in pain my mind is completely blank.

No bright ideas or new found directions for a story come swarming through. Most days I just find myself sitting, wanting to do something other than, well, sit.

It may seem like I’m complaining and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Not going to sugarcoat it at all. My doctors mean well but they have no idea what bed rest is doing to me as writer.

A writer needs to be able to think to write. And while it may seem like this is the perfect opportunity to think, it’s completely the opposite. Tense situations cause a cluttered mind and there is nothing more tense than being stuck in the same room day in and day out. It makes for a high concentration of irritability.

Something inside me is begging to get some writing done. Even if it’s only this post. I must write even if it comes off as a bunch of jibber jabber. Lying in this bed is killing my creativity and I am desperately trying to fight it.

As much as I could go on and on about how uncomfortable this whole scenario is making me, I will discontinue my rant. One thing I don’t want is to come off as a whiny individual. I did, however, want to give an update on my physical progress and let you all know that bed rest sucks.

Until next time.