Home Again

After yet another stint in the hospital I am finally home. And thankful to be. Spending the majority of the last month and a half in the hospital, I am in no rush to go back.

While I would love to be back to writing, editing, and supporting all of you, I am taking the advise of family and resting for a while. I will be periodically checking on things because it is hard for me to sit still, but I will do it all from the comfort of my bed.

Regardless, I am so happy to be home and even happier to have so many caring and concerned fans and supporters. You guys have kept me going and I am so thankful.

I love you all dearly.

Until next time.

The Strangest Thing

The strangest thing is happening.

Here I lay in my hospital bed, wanting nothing more than to ease into a peaceful slumber. With the assistance of medication it is usually a simple task.

However, tonight I cannot seem to sleep. My eyes continuously become heavy as if lazily blinking; too long to rise or fall. On most occasions, my body is the culprit of mental and physical discomfort, yet the bed is at the perfect setting tonight.

It really becomes strange after a few moments with my lids down. In an instant I am jerked awake by an invisible force. No matter what, my eyes will not remain in a state of rest and reflection. Not to mention the beads of sweat that roll down my forehead in a seemingly cool room with no fever to speak of.

Something is definitely perplexing and I intend to get to the bottom of it all. Although, it is a trivial pursuit to investigate the body when it’s had no opportunity of rest or comfort in over 10 hours.

What do you think could be wrong? Is there something physically serious going on or is it completely mental?

Until next time.

Happy Anniversary

Today marked the 5 year anniversary of my decision to step out on faith. It was this day where I put fear aside and began a career as a professional writer.

Boy was I excited…and nervous hell.

There were many plans for the celebration of 5 years. However, due to my hospitalization, I was unable to go through with any events. My meds had me in la-la land and by the time I realized what the date was there wasn’t much time left in the day.

I couldn’t let today end without saying THANK YOU to all my wonderful fans, supporters, colleagues and friends. Without you I don’t know what I’d be doing with my life.

Please continue to show the love and I will continue to bring you words that touch the soul.

Until next time.

Stand For Something

After sneaking out of bed for a full day yesterday, I was forced to be back in the lying position. My body wasn’t up for being stuck in a computer chair for a second day.

Being back in the bed I was able to watch television as usual. Normally, I spend my days watching old shows like Bewitched and I Dream of Jeannie. It’s better than the lie detector/paternity tests on Maury and sleeping with your family member themed Jerry Springer show.

Today, I decided to spend the day watching ESPN. So much was happening in sports that it was hard to turn it off. OKC, my favorite basketball team, is headed to the Western Conference Finals and other interesting events had my attention. Also, I got an opportunity to watch the news, which I do not do on a regular basis.

In the process of t.v. watching, something became very evident to me. I have tons of opinions about many topics that are important to many people.

Most of the time I just go off on rants in the privacy of my own home. The fear of ridicule for how I feel about certain things is the reason why I keep my opinions to myself. Allowing the outside world to know these sometimes controversial opinions could give folks the wrong impression of me or cause people to judge me incorrectly.

It got me thinking. How often do we avoid saying how we feel to keep from being a target? How many times have we just sat idly by while some injustice took place?

If you don’t stand for something, you’ll fall for anything.

In light of that quote, I spent time taking notes about subjects that I have strong opinions about. Not that my opinion matters to anyone in particular. But truthfully there are many causes that need a voice. So many voiceless souls need someone to stand up and speak out whether it falls on deaf ears or under high scrutiny.

One such subject formed into an entire article. I’m still working on it but the contents have the capability to make or break my career. It could be deemed as victorious or villainous.

It’s kind of weird that my first stint of creativity is to write articles about actual issues in this world. Not the inspiration I was looking for but beggars can’t be choosey. I’m just gonna ride this wave until the creative juices stop flowing.

Until next time.

Sneaking Out

Today I snuck out of bed against the wishes of my nurse, children and significant other. I just had to get some work done and I hate to disappoint clients.

All day I worked on one of the many novels awaiting my edits. For the most part, I felt no pain as I sat glued to my computer chair. Fighting off exhaustion, I perused through page after page of a story I have little interest in but am obligated to read for work purposes.

It’s not unlikely for me to deal with genres I do not necessarily write or read. My purpose as an editor is to make sure the story flows well and is attractive to its audience. It is sometimes, however, rather tiring.

After hours sitting at the computer my body had had enough. It was tired of being in a position other than lying down regardless of my lax posture. I just could not spend another day in bed when I have so much work to do.

At this point, I am paying for being hard-headed. My body is sore and my brain has given up completely. As I write this post, I am back in my bed forced to lay on my side due to the nephrostamy tube jutting from my back.

While I may be utterly exhausted and feeling twinges of pain rushing through my back, I can’t help but smile. After weeks of being stuck in bed I got some work done and truth be told, regardless of how I feel physically, I feel amazing mentally.

Who knows how I will feel tomorrow, but today I’m proud I accomplished something that didn’t consist of lying around.

Until next time.

Bed Rest Sucks

Any writer would love the opportunity to sit around and do nothing but work on their craft. Not having to do anything but lay around may even seem heavenly.

However, being stuck in the bed is the last place any writer, namely me, wants to be. Of course there is the endless possibilities of time to get things done. But truthfully being bedridden is nothing fun.

At first I figured I would get caught up on tons of work. Boy was I wrong. The medication keeps me sleep or just plain drowsy. And when I’m not in pain my mind is completely blank.

No bright ideas or new found directions for a story come swarming through. Most days I just find myself sitting, wanting to do something other than, well, sit.

It may seem like I’m complaining and that’s exactly what I’m doing. Not going to sugarcoat it at all. My doctors mean well but they have no idea what bed rest is doing to me as writer.

A writer needs to be able to think to write. And while it may seem like this is the perfect opportunity to think, it’s completely the opposite. Tense situations cause a cluttered mind and there is nothing more tense than being stuck in the same room day in and day out. It makes for a high concentration of irritability.

Something inside me is begging to get some writing done. Even if it’s only this post. I must write even if it comes off as a bunch of jibber jabber. Lying in this bed is killing my creativity and I am desperately trying to fight it.

As much as I could go on and on about how uncomfortable this whole scenario is making me, I will discontinue my rant. One thing I don’t want is to come off as a whiny individual. I did, however, want to give an update on my physical progress and let you all know that bed rest sucks.

Until next time.

Back To The Hospital

This past week I felt very ill. So much so that on Saturday I could no longer self medicate. After packing a bag of books and my crochet materials, I headed to the ER.

Considering I had done this whole song and dance before, I knew I would be admitted to the hospital. The pains I felt were similar to my previous two ER visits in the past two years. Both ended with a hospital stay and surgery.

This visit has gone about the same way. I was admitted and will be receiving another nephrostomy tube later on today.

It’s totally awesome.

Of course, I’m being sarcastic. Dealing with these aggressive kidney stones is so disheartening. Up to this point I’ve had six surgical procedures including an impromptu chest tube placement when one of my lungs was punctured during a surgery. It’s rather exhausting.

Unlike the other scenarios, I tried to be more acceptable with what was coming. Instead of complaining about the nephrostomy tube, I’ve chosen to be supportive with the decision to do the placement. Although, there’s no way to ever get used to one of those things.

In the meantime, I’ve taken this time as a means of peace and productivity. There are no real distractions aside from having my vitals taken every few hours. And I tend to be a”quiet patient”, so the nurses don’t bother me much.

This is a rare opportunity to work on things that are important to me. So expect to see tweets, posts and other updates. I mean, what else do I have to do other than sit here and get better. Might as well try to relax and accept it.

Until next time.