I haven’t performed my poetry since high school
My English teacher made me feel like a fool
and the response I got
They didn’t care the poem was about our classmate who was brutally shot
All they saw and heard was me
A product of my personality
None of them knowing I was a broken child from a good home
I couldn’t allow myself to condone
they’re giggles and blank stares
Listening to my voice and not the words I shared
Typical school age hate
None of them thought they could relate
to the girl who was soooo unpopular
no need for them to listen to her
And that’s what I’ve carried around for years
Their chide remarks and painful jeers
And the notes on my work from my English teacher’s view
“Dig deeper with your writing or I’m failing you.”
Through heat searing summers and blistering winters
I’ve been afraid of the stage and the mic at its center
The blinding lights and watchful eyes
Knowing my insecurity I cannot hide
Most people think I don’t perform because of pride
It’s honestly because of that high school girl inside
The one who waited for a thunderous applause
cuz she was speaking about a just cause
But all she got was laughter
She cried and threw up in the bathroom after
When there’s an opportunity for me to speak the words I write
my anxiety goes out of control and my courage takes flight
Don’t get me wrong, I crave the stage
wanting to share the verses I create
Yet my mind takes me back to that auditorium filled to capacity
Where kids talked during my poem – Yea, they had the audacity
The teacher who made me perform cuz he thought it would do me some good
He didn’t listen to my claims of being misunderstood
The faculty that watched my performance go up in flames
Not stopping the kids from yelling out and calling me names
I can’t seem to get their hurtful words out of my ears
This is why performing is one of my biggest fears
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