This has to be one of the hardest posts I have written as of late. If you caught my Instagram Live yesterday at 4 pm EST, I talked about mourning the loss of people who you expected to be further along than they are and you now have to let them be where they are. These situations are easy when that person isn’t close to you, but when it’s a close friend, family member, and especially a romantic partner or spouse, letting go is not easy and I will not pretend like it is.
I mentioned I was in a state of mourning for someone in my life. That grief, that mourning that I feel came to me big time this morning. I sat frozen in front of my computer screen not knowing what to write because the grief hit me so hard. Now, considering I’ve been on my healing journey for a while, I know exactly what is going on. I understand, that instead of ignoring the feeling, I have to feel the feeling in order to get past it.
Mourning the loss of a relationship is even harder when you live in the same house as that person. As I sat in front of my computer, I began to cry. I didn’t stop myself from crying because I knew it was what I must do at this time. I understand how deeply this affects me. I understand ignoring it will only make it worse later. So, I cried for a while. And as the tears streamed down my face, I began to type.
I let you all know when I am dealing with something so I am a model of how to handle things. That’s what being a healing specialist is: someone who goes through the journey and comes to show you the way. There is someone I truly love that I have to let go of. I have no choice in the matter. Staying with them will bring me back to a level of uncertainty, sadness, frustration, and anger.
Letting them go releases me from the bond of a relationship I thought would be better by now, but it’s not. I expected to be forever partners with this person, but it is evident now that they loved me better at my weakest, and now that I exude inner strength and confidence, they aren’t willing to meet me where I am.
The hardest part for me is this person never gave up on me when I was depressed and down, wanting to end my life. But now that I am secure in who I am and no longer need them in that way, they don’t know how to function. They are willing to give up on me now that I am healing and standing in my power.
We were supposed to be life partners, pushing each other to be the best version of ourselves. And now, because being the best version of themselves makes them too uncomfortable, they would rather dissolve the relationship than work on themselves in the way they need to.
Unfortunately, you can’t take everyone with you when you begin your healing journey because some people just don’t want to go. Some people are comfortable where they are even if it doesn’t make sense to you. Your healing journey is only for you. Everyone is not going to agree with it, everyone is not going to be on board with it because they like you better at your weakest, and agreeing with your healing journey means they have to look at themselves, and some folks aren’t willing to do that.
Some people you have to leave where they are, as much as you don’t want to, you have to. The last thing you want to do is stop your growth to make someone else comfortable.
So, today, I am in a state of mourning for a relationship that branches over 17 years. It hurts my heart, but I know once I get done feeling this feeling, I must move on. Now, feeling the feeling does not mean you don’t do the things necessary to move your needle forward, however, it does mean you allow yourself moments throughout the day to let it out. Allowing yourself to mourn a broken relationship and broken promises helps in your healing journey. It helps you alleviate yourself of all the times when you wanted better and didn’t get it, but you let it ride because you weren’t better.
When you are on a healing journey, you cannot allow old patterns and behaviors from others to continue. They love you, this you, the authentic you, or they need to leave you alone.
I share this because I know exactly what this feels like because I’m feeling it now as I write this. However, I also know how to deal with this without messing up my day, my week, my month, and my year.
If you are at a place where it’s time to mourn a relationship that no longer serves you and you need assistance on the way to go, schedule a free consultation with me so I can walk you through it. Don’t deal with something like this alone if you do not have the tools to do so. I am here, rooting for you even in my sadness because I know I must keep moving forward because I want you to heal more than you want you to heal. And remember, I love you.
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