In the grand tapestry of life, we all carry memories, some light as feathers, and others heavy as stones. Memories can shape our reality, but they can also shackle us to the past, preventing us from fully experiencing the beauty of the present. Today, I want to share with you my journey of healing from past trauma, and how it allowed me to break free from the chains of my history and live in the present moment.
For many years, I unwittingly retraumatized myself by reliving painful memories from my past. Whenever I recalled these moments, my body reacted as though the events were unfolding in the here and now. I felt the same emotions, the same fear, the same anger, and the same hurt, even though the past was long gone. Little did I know, the subconscious mind holds onto every memory, and it sends signals to our bodies based on our thoughts and experiences, regardless of their relevance to our current reality.
Yesterday, we discussed the importance of staying in the present moment. Today, I want to help you retrain your mind and break free from the shackles of your past. We often get triggered when something in our present mirrors an experience from our past, and these triggers can be subtle. But there is a difference between reliving trauma and healing from it.
In my own life, I carried the heavy burden of an abusive marriage for ten long years. The scars from that time were etched deep within me—hurt, rage, sadness, shame, pain, sorrow, guilt, and more. It wasn’t until I embarked on a journey of Prolonged Exposure Therapy (PE Therapy) that I truly understood the distinction between reliving trauma and healing from it.
In PE Therapy, I confronted the most traumatizing aspects of my marriage, including a traumatic incident during pregnancy and a daunting set of stairs. Over eight weeks, I revisited these memories, even going as far as returning to the physical locations that held the pain. I looked at pictures of my ex-husband and shared my story with others. It was incredibly difficult, but something remarkable happened—I began to heal. By the end of it, I could recount my story with laughter and a genuine smile.
Yet, it wasn’t until I embarked on my broader healing journey last year, asking myself the toughest questions, that I truly grasped the essence of living in the present moment. Now, I can sit in the same room as my ex-husband without being moved by the past. I even wish him well and speak kindness over his life. In the present, he can’t harm me or make me question my self-worth because I am my only judge. I have granted him grace and chosen to remember the good, however subjective it may be.
Consistently exposing yourself to triggering situations can only be effective if you are committed to facing and resolving them. This is where shadow work comes into play. It’s akin to prolonged exposure therapy for every aspect of your life. It involves asking yourself the hard questions and, if necessary, revisiting places not to re-live the pain but to release it.
If you find yourself constantly reminded of something that triggers a reaction, it’s time to ask yourself the essential questions: Who, What, When, Why, Where, and How. My e-book, “30 Questions to Begin Your Transformation,” can be your starting point on this transformative journey.
Understanding what makes you who you are is paramount to your growth and evolution. You cannot elevate yourself if you cling to the past while hoping for a better future. It’s time to shed the baggage of yesterday and embrace the possibilities of tomorrow by integrating with your shadow today.
If you’re ready to let go of your past and become the person you were meant to be, consider scheduling a free consultation with me to explore the Blue Phoenix 6-week program. We’ll delve into your emotional frustrations, dreams, goals, and aspirations. Whether you choose to work with me or not, my true desire is to help you find your path to healing and guide you until you can navigate it on your own.
This journey is about you, but the first step begins with your decision to break free from the cycles that have held you back. As I often say during my Instagram Live sessions at 4 pm EST, “You cannot change until you change your mind.” Let’s embark on this transformative journey together. I share my story not as an expert but as someone who has walked the path of healing, so you know I’m offering guidance based on personal experience. Together, we can break free from the past and embrace the beauty of the present moment.
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