Hey there, beautiful ones! If you’ve been around for a while, you know I’ve shared thoughts about the importance of letting go of people, places, and things that no longer align with who you are. But here’s something I haven’t talked about yet: letting go isn’t just about cutting ties with the outside world—it’s also about releasing the old patterns and habits within yourself. I know, I know. Easier said than done, right? But stick with me.
Let’s Be Real: It’s Not Just About Them, It’s About You
We love the idea of letting go of people, places, and things that no longer serve us. We talk about it with all the grace and confidence in the world. “I’m letting go of toxic people,” we declare on social media, thinking we’re about to level up. And don’t get me wrong, distancing yourself from those external things is super important. But the real magic happens when you begin to look inside.
Why? Because you can cut people out, change your environment, or remove that clutter in your life, but if you’re still operating from the same old patterns—trust me, nothing’s really going to change. You’ll find yourself right back in the same spot, dealing with the same issues, just with different people or circumstances. Sound familiar? I’ve been there.
When Holding On Feels Easier
Let me give you an example: there were people in my life I knew I should have let go of. I knew it deep in my soul. But for some reason, every time I tried, I found a million reasons to keep them around. “They’ve been there for me during my darkest times,” I’d say, or “They’ve been in my life for years, I can’t just walk away from that.” So, I kept them in my life, thinking it was the right thing to do. But you know what? The train started coming off the rails. Slowly, at first—little things they would say or do started to bother me more than usual. Then, over time, it got harder and harder to ignore.
It took me a while, but eventually, I realized that I wasn’t actually holding on to them—I was holding on to an old version of myself. The version of me that needed these people was no longer who I am today. But I wasn’t ready to let go of that version of myself. And until I was, I couldn’t fully let go of them either.
Old Habits Die Hard: How I Finally Let Go
Letting go of long-time relationships isn’t easy. We’re human, after all. We get attached, and for those of us who are loyal to a fault, the idea of leaving someone behind—even when it’s necessary—can feel like betrayal. But here’s the thing: when you hold on to people, habits, or situations that don’t align with who you are today, you’re betraying yourself. Yeah, I said it. I had to learn this the hard way.
For me, the turning point came when I stopped focusing on them and started focusing on me. Why was I so attached? What need was this relationship filling that I wasn’t filling for myself? When I looked at it that way, the answer became painfully clear: I was afraid of letting go because I didn’t trust myself to fully step into this new version of me. I was comfortable being the old me—the me who needed these relationships to feel secure.
So, what did I do? I had a tough, heart-to-heart with myself (and my therapist), and I realized that my loyalty needed to be redirected. It was time to be loyal to myself first. That didn’t mean I had to cut these people off entirely. It just meant that I needed to back away, create some distance, and trust that if they were meant to be in my life, they’d find their way back. And if they weren’t? Well, I’d still love them from afar, but I’d be okay.
Familiarity vs. Necessity: Why Are You Holding On?
This is where you need to be really honest with yourself, my loves. Are you holding on to someone because they truly enrich your life, or are you holding on because they’re familiar? Let’s be real—it’s usually the latter.
We cling to what we know because it’s comfortable. It’s safe. Even if it’s not good for us, it’s the devil we know, right? But here’s the hard truth: just because someone has been in your life for years doesn’t mean they’re meant to stay forever. Some people are only meant to be around for a season, and that’s okay. They serve a purpose, and once that purpose is fulfilled, it’s time to move on.
I had a friend I’ve known for most of my life. We’ve been through it all together—good times, bad times, the whole shebang. But over time, our lives went in completely different directions. Hanging out with her started feeling more like a chore than a joy. Did I love her any less? Absolutely not. But I couldn’t deny that we just didn’t mesh anymore.
I had to let go of the expectation that we’d always be close just because we had history. History doesn’t mean much if it’s dragging you down in the present.
Letting Go of Family: It’s Hard, But Necessary
And what about family? Oh, the joy of navigating those relationships! Let’s face it: family can push our buttons faster than anyone else. I know firsthand how difficult it is to distance yourself from family members, especially when they think they know everything about you because they’ve known you the longest.
I’ve had my share of family members who loved to bring up every mistake I ever made—going all the way back to when I was a kid! Like, seriously? I’m in my forties now. Can we let it go, please? But here’s the thing: I vocalized my boundaries. I let them know how I felt, and they ignored it. So, I made the decision to keep my distance.
It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. And you know what? I still love them. I’ll always love them. But I love myself more. And that’s the key, my friends. Loving yourself enough to create distance doesn’t mean you love them any less—it just means you’re prioritizing your well-being.
Action Steps: How to Let Go and Step Into the New You
- Reflect: Take some quiet time to reflect on the relationships, habits, and patterns in your life. Which ones no longer serve you? Be honest.
- Evaluate: Are you holding on to these things because they truly add value to your life, or because they’re familiar? Write down your thoughts—seeing it on paper helps.
- Communicate: If you feel comfortable, have a conversation with the person you need to distance yourself from. Be honest but kind. If that’s not possible, acknowledge the situation within yourself.
- Set Boundaries: Establish clear boundaries that protect your mental and emotional space. This isn’t just about other people—it’s about protecting your peace.
- Love Yourself: The most important step of all—love yourself through the process. It’s okay to feel sad, conflicted, or even guilty. But know that by letting go, you’re making room for better alignment with who you’re becoming.
Remember, beautiful souls, letting go isn’t just about releasing others—it’s about embracing yourself. Love yourself enough to walk away from what no longer aligns with your highest good. I believe in you. And remember, as always, I love you. 💙
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